ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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