That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
