Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
