That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
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Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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