Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
