And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
