youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
