I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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