We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
