so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
