why didn't you poke me back
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
