I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
