We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
