how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
