i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
