the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
