I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
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Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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