My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
