Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
