im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
