i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
