Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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