i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
