Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
