i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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