Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
