you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You're like the curious george of whores
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
