yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
