with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
