my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
