did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
