So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
