im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
