Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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