Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
