the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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