Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
