those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
