$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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