Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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