you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
