Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
time to smoke my breakfast
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
