I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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