found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
