New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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