Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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