She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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