Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
