She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
