i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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