____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
