Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
