its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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