Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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