Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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