sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
