ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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