SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
