I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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