hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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