yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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