It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
