I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You can't just leave with hair like that
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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