she looked like the before picture.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
