There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Never joke about your clitoris.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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