I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
