either way he was missing a nipple.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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