I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
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It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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