My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
