I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
