I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
