i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and she was petting her beer can
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
