Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
