Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize